Valentine's Is Finally Here...Sadness is in the air!!

A day for LOVE... A Day I hate.... A Day I don't want to go through ALONE....

I wish there is someone for me again...soon! So empty I feel..no matter how hard I try to cheer myself up, it doesnt work. Somehow, I feel a deep void where meaning was there...my life evolved around that meaning. I had purpose, motivation, anticipation, and the love I needed to go through my tough days... how come I can't find it anymore? The more I reach out, the more it becomes out of my grasp. The more I wish, the more I see it all fade away. The more I run after it, the more distant it gets.

How can he say he can't be with me? He still cares, but say I can't be with you anymore.. I deserve some sort of chance right! I can't seem to do anything right, I'm so lost, so tired of all these. Begging may be my only hope.. but that too seems far fetched! Why can't he try harder, I mean all those years must mean something, I mean there must be something that can be salvaged out of it?...those are only hopes that I hold on too... Hopes are what I have left and yet hoping seems soo useless. I have so much dreams, yet I'm afraid to dream because it looks as if its drifting away.

How can I wish for him to be happy? When I want to be happy with him... I've tried I guess, but its not good enough. So many promises thats been made, and none had the chance to be fulfilled. I ask so many times why this pain can't go away..why I can't forget..why I feel I can't let go..why I feel so hurt by all this... I need to put the blame on ???

"Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart, but trusting them not to."

I believe that I made a mess... somehow I always make a mess of perfectly good relationships... am I afraid of commitment? I don't think so, but then why do I ruin it. WHY!! I let myself get a broken heart..I did this to myself... heal it I don't have the will... let it pass I can't... Hold on, I am!! ... Letting go is impossible!!

Never have I felt such pain before, now I know how it feels... doesn't feel good. Infact, it feels almost near suffocation... I can't breath... I need you again... You're my life... I Love You still...

Tears are what I have... the happy face I used to see when I look into the mirror has vanished... all I see is a person I do not know...where is she... that once happy girl?... she's empty, a voice says.. she's lost her way....

Trust, Betrayals... are much too familliar words to me... on my side. 'IF'... a word that often is twirling in my mind...IF only i could reverse time...had I done this and not that... had I given him all he deserved... had I supported him the way he needed... all of 'IF'... I'd do things right, I make it all up... all over again.. given the chance.. I WOULD!

Imperfect I was...but Perfect in his eyes he saw me... so perfect you are for me he would say... I miss the smile, those loving eyes, only truth I heard in his voice...

If GOD is listening to me... please give me the strenght to go through all this... I'm so LOST

A love that is lost.............

My heart hurts..

I miss him so much (over and over again in my head I see his face), keep telling myself over and over again that he doesnt want me anymore...at the same time perhaps he still can love me if I try harder...( just so that I'll feel better). Each day I wake up...I realise he's not there anymore...pain in the heart..tearing up in pieces..CRY..CRY..CRY...so all the pain can go away...but it doesnt last..then when I'm all alone...the tears fall again...teardrop..then it rains! I thought I could let go, but I can't. Why can't I forget...why does it hurt so much...why do I feel this way still...why..why..why...

He's happy with someone else...told me she's just a friend...

I miss him so much... soo much that it hurts....

My Love for Footwear!

What, only 10 pairs? (Not..some are in the JB house, and the rest missing somewhere!)

Every woman must have a fetish for something. Mine is shoes..coz I just can't help myself from buying a pair that catches my eye! (well, I do take into account the price...a shoe that costs more than RM100, I'd think twice! Limit for me would be RM100!).

I remember my taste for shoes started since I was 7 (remebered buying a pair of Clarks flat heeled black ribboned shoes..it was very pretty indeed!). Later on, my fashion style in shoe designs developed.

The rounded front shoe...
Ahaa, yeah..the design is back..but I really don't like em much. Tried a pair from PrettyFit, and Oh my gosh..they did not compliment my feet at all! It looked horrid (I can't pull of these shoe types!).

The Pointy Shoe..
Yeah, this is more my kinda shoe. I just love it..it elongates your feet and makes it seem slender. Have loads of shoes like these since the year 2000. Been buying these types eversince!

Sexy sandals..
Now these, I only own 2 pairs coz it only worn on certain occasions and with certain clothings (too fancy to be worn on normal days...)

Trainers (or the sport shoes)..
Ahah! Now, I don't even own a pair...I don't do ground sports so, whats the point of owning em. The last pair I chuck out was only worn less than 20 times (yes, its true!). If only they made swimming pool shoes...

High Heeled..
I'm not much of a high heeled kinda girl. I find it painful abit and also hard to balance in. Still have a 2.5inch high heeled that is sitting at the corner of the shoerack..

Flats..
I just love these...my passion actually. Pointy toe flats. They are comfy, yet stylish and they make my feet look nice I think!

Loafers..
Whoaa..where did I put my loafers! My 1st pair was the Fernland brand (bought it in 1994..when I was in Form 4)...it still looks good now..(guilty of not wearing them as often!)

Slippers..
Haha, either go out wearing sandals or shoes. I dont believe in slipper except to the beach or in the toilet!

So, how many shoes do you own lately?

Valentines Day is coming...Boo Hoo Hoo

What is it with Valentines Day that makes people turn all lovey dovey (starting to believe that Cupid does exist!). I know it symbolizes Love but an entire day dedicated to it!! I mean, why wait to show someone you love them on Valentine's Day..why not just show it daily or any other day? Hmmm....

Each time Valentines Day is near (a week before) my routine was:-
1. Buy a valentines card
2. Write something super duper mushy lovey dovey.
3. Post the super duper mushy lovey dovey card.
4. Takecare of skin and body (yeah, the Valentine's Day Date!!)
Well...all that is just history now!!

I just dont get it that each time on Valentine's Day:-
1. Flower prices reach sky high!
2. Chocolates also are expensive (those gourmet chocolate shops...on normal days the prices are somewhat normal)
3. Restaurants have special Valentine's Day Dinners (a package thingie) and also expensive!
4. Every gift shop re-price their items...(why oh why oh why....)

Valentine's Day History....
There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.
Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.

The card tradition started....
In the United States, Miss Esther Howland is given credit for sending the first valentine cards. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800's and now the date is very commercialised. The town of Loveland, Colorado, does a large post office business around February 14. The spirit of good continues as valentines are sent out with sentimental verses and children exchange valentine cards at school.

St. Valentine's Story...
Let me introduce myself. My name is Valentine. I lived in Rome during the third century. That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. I didn't like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn't the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn't going to support that law!

Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favourite activities was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly, of course. It was really quite exciting. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself. We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps. It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time. I was caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death.

I tried to stay cheerful. And do you know what? Wonderful things happened. Many young people came to the jail to visit me. They threw flowers and notes up to my window. They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell. Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours. She helped me to keep my spirits up. She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. I signed it, "Love from your Valentine."

I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten!

(taken from www.pictureframes.co.uk/pages/saint_valentine.htm#story

Goodluck with LOVE this Valentine's Day!!

High on Chocolates....

"Chocolate of good quality..

calms the fever,

nourishes the patient

and tends to restore him to health".

(Francis Joseph Victor Broussais, celebrated French physician, 1772—1836).

Memory of Chocolate....

The first time I had chocolates was when I was a lil-kid I think (my mum said I LURVED chocolates so much...so she had to hide it from me...erk!). The first time that I do remember eating chocolates was when I was 4 I think...Cadbury milk chocolate...OoOoOo....(mouth watering already).

What do I know about chocolates...one thing that.. it is an aphrodisiac (will tell what it is later on), and that it makes me feel really happy after eating it and when I eat it before wanting to go to sleep..(yeah, forget about sleeping)...suddenly turn into a hyperactive person that goes bump in the night...everyone else is asleep..so I'm bumping here and there..up and about! Upsy daisy..whoopsy daisy...hehehehe..because I'm so high on sugar and other things in chocolates that I act like one looney honey..hehehehe!! (strap me!...more more more chockies!!)

History of Chocolate....

Chocolates have dated back to around 600 AD when the Mayan Indians established cocoa plantations in the Yucatan region of Mexico. The Mayans and later the Aztecs created a chocolate drink called ‘xocoatl’ or ‘chocoatl’ which originated from cocoa beans taken from cocoa trees. This ‘chocoatl’ drink consisted of chocolate flavored with vanilla and spices and had the consistency of honey. Chocolate was only consumed in liquid form at this time.

The Aztec Indians placed great importance on chocolate, with a strong belief that chocolate was consumed by the Gods in paradise and that the cocoa seed was brought to earth as a special blessing for the people by the God of the Air. The last Aztec emperor, Montezuma, reportedly drank only ‘chocoatl’. He was supposed to have drunk up to 50 goblets of chocolate a day, especially before going into battle or into his harem (a new term going into battle..hehehehe)

In 1528, the Spaniard, Hernando Cortez who conquered Mexico, brought cocoa beans back to Spain to the court of King Charles V. For the next century, chocolate became top secret in Spain. The Spanish wanted to keep the secret (of processing chocolate) from becoming known to the other European countries. Only the monks in monasteries were allowed to process cocoa beans into chocolate. With the decline of Spain’s power, the secret eventually leaked out. Then in 1606, Antonio Carletti, an Italian traveller visiting Spain, discovered the secret of chocolate and brought it to the other European countries.

Chocolate also was popularized by the marriage of Spanish Princess Maria Theresa and King Louis XIV in 1616. As a wedding present, Maria Theresa gave chocolate to the French king, which helped popularize chocolate in France. In the 17th century, chocolate was very expensive and was therefore considered a drink for only the very very rich and wealthy (Do I hear a cash register sound? Keceng...)...no money no chocolate understand! Cocoa was even used as currency among nations at this time. So, drinking chocolate was quite literally like drinking money (like people who smoke...like they are burning and inhaling money...NO Offence Smokers!!)

By the early 18th century, the price of chocolate had dropped, so more people were able to enjoy it. It was no longer just for the wealthy. During this era, chocolate houses became as popular in England as coffee houses (and many other types of houses I may add...) In fact, there were chocolate houses that catered only to certain clientele such as politicians, gamblers, and the literati.

It is interesting to note that in England, the Quakers (not Quaker Oats!!) were very involved with the chocolate business. One reason for this was that the Quakers hoped to persuade the poor to drink chocolate instead of alcohol. After the Quakers emigrated to Colonial America, they continued their involvement in the chocolate business. Many of these Quakers settled in Pennsylvania. One of the descendants of these colonial Pennsylvania Quakers was Milton Hershey, who became one of the most famous names in the chocolate industry in America. (Well whaddaya know!...GO HERSHEYS!).

Myth on Chocolates...

I was one of those people that actually got sucked into these myths...such as:-

1. They make you fat.

2. They are the cause of Acne.

3. They can cause diabetes.

4. It is junk food!

These are all lies....hehehehe...

Health Benefits of Chocolate....(Its true you know!)

1. Chocolate’s naturally occurring flavanoids are potent, protective antioxidants, which limit the damage to cells caused by free radicals.

2. Chocolate flavanoids prevent the oxidation of cholesterol toted around by low-density lipoproteins, which limits the formulation of arterial plaque.

3. Chocolate does not cause high levels of cholesterol in the blood. It’s a plant product which contains “no” cholesterol.

4. Chocolate may reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, similar to molecules in tea, red wine and grape skins.

5. Chocolate is a powerful fighter of fatigue and gives strength and energy. Chocolate does not cause acne! (Based on university studies.)

6. To help gain weight (for skinny people)

7. Stimulate the nervous system

8. Improve digestion

9. Makes people happy (anti-stress medicine..it works!!)

10. It is an aphrodisiac! (Know of the goddess Aprodite?)

( To know about this, go to www.chocolates-n-coffee.4t.com/chocolate_aphrodisiac.html

The news that chocolate are beneficial to us sounds like a good excuse to stock up and eat all you can eat! Heard of the term 'Too much of a GOODTHING is BAD' ...yeah you got it...

Craving for chocolates anyone?...I am...(poof..out to get me some chockies...)

Happy to be a chocolate loving Freak!!...

And the winner of Juara Lagu 20 is ...Jaclyn Victor!!

I never really watched Juara Lagu..but since everyone was talking bout it and waiting for it...(my mom wanted to watch it) so, terpaksalah I watch juga...

I watched it when Noraniza Idris performed (coz she has some really weird and whacky dance moves..plus her dance troupe..wow that many!).

Then Ning Baizura sang 'Awan yang terpilu' (heck she only wore baju kurung with kain batik, flower in her hair...and barefoot!!...her voice took my breath away...so I thought at the time!!).

Jaclyn Victor then sang 'Gemilang' which was very impressive I must say..(thinking that perhaps she'll win this....now that stole my breath away too...hehehe..goosebumps even!). She was made during the first Malaysian Idol..(didnt watch it...occupied with other things i guess).

Ahaa...then I got to listen to Mawi (AF4 winner...dunno how to comment anyways..not that I have anything against him..just that I dont like the song!).

Hazami came last...(fell in song with him when he sang the hit Sonata Musin Salju..mesmerizing song ya know!).

Finally the moment of truth...bla bla...balada...poprock....irama malaysia....yada yada blah blah...''The winner of Juara Lagu 20 goes to..'Jaclyn Victor'!!..whoppeee!!! Congratulations Jaclyn...many more years of success for you...

Note:

Juara Lagu is actually a music contest for professional singers and songwriters..(have to be on the Juara Lagu Charts...it works like any other yearly music event!).

A New Hairdo!!

For ages I kept this long hair of mine, the only time I do cut it (actually a trim every 3 months like 1 inch off) to keep the hair healthy! I thought, i seriously needed a new look! So, I took a pair of scissors and cut of like 8inches off. Then asked my darling sister to trim here and there. And walla, the new hairdo. It did cross my mind to go to a hair salon, but hey...(i'm not doing a complicated look anyways..) so, I thought I can do this myself...btw..i can really cut layers..did my sister's hair though. I think the last time I went to hair salon was in 1999! (yes, seriously!!).

My head feels lighter now...I dont need to spend much time fussing bout my hair, not that I usually do..and also the less amount of shampoo (feather) and hair products (only using pantene leave in hair conditioner!). Ya see...I dun fuss bout my hair at all...sorta wash, towel dry..condition and I am on the go...weeehaaaa....

What's in my handbag?

Well, Leilanie did a post on this so i thought I'd give this a go...hehehe...lets find out what's in my bag...

Clockwise..(start from top left corner)

1. My Nikon Camera (never leave home without it, you'll never know what events can take place!) 2. My NEC phone and handsfree, 3. Carkeys and housekeys, 4. Metal ruler (very useful..especially when you accidently leave your carkeys in the car...hee hee), 5. Kaps insect repellent, 6. Tesco wet tissue, 7. Plain tissue, 8. Clean & Clear facial blotters, 9. Gucci shades (love them), 10. Avon Women of Earth perfume roll-on, 11. Wet & Wild lipstick, 12. In 2 it lipgloss, 13. eyeshadow combo (large white casing), 14. Wet & Wild compact powder, 15. Revlon eyeshadow, 16. blusher brush, 17. Maybelline mascara, 18. Avon eyeliner, 19. Brown Leather wallet (18th Birthday present from my mum), 20. metal hair clip 21. scrungee!

Looking at it, bet you must be wondering the size of my handbag!! (hehehehe)

Hmm...where are my eyedrops and black pen?...(missing in action!)

joy shouts!: wholesome cutie

I came across this blogger.. his idea of a dream girl..i think it sounds too far fetched, what say you..?

joy shouts!: wholesome cutie

The Islamic New Year...

Happy 'Awal Muharam' to all muslims out there...this year why not:

1. Look back at the things done (good and bad...reflection period actually)
2. Forgive and forget.
3. Make yourself happy this year.
4. Contact all your lost friends.
5. Go to al the parties, weddings, gatherings invited.
6. Spendtime with friends...you'l' need them!
7. Eat proper (diet, exercise...)
8. Have faith that good things will happen (keep saying this over and over like a mantra)
9. Do things you have never done..(limits now!)
10. Dont let yourself down...

Goodluck people...