Valentine's Is Finally Here...Sadness is in the air!!

A day for LOVE... A Day I hate.... A Day I don't want to go through ALONE....

I wish there is someone for me again...soon! So empty I feel..no matter how hard I try to cheer myself up, it doesnt work. Somehow, I feel a deep void where meaning was there...my life evolved around that meaning. I had purpose, motivation, anticipation, and the love I needed to go through my tough days... how come I can't find it anymore? The more I reach out, the more it becomes out of my grasp. The more I wish, the more I see it all fade away. The more I run after it, the more distant it gets.

How can he say he can't be with me? He still cares, but say I can't be with you anymore.. I deserve some sort of chance right! I can't seem to do anything right, I'm so lost, so tired of all these. Begging may be my only hope.. but that too seems far fetched! Why can't he try harder, I mean all those years must mean something, I mean there must be something that can be salvaged out of it?...those are only hopes that I hold on too... Hopes are what I have left and yet hoping seems soo useless. I have so much dreams, yet I'm afraid to dream because it looks as if its drifting away.

How can I wish for him to be happy? When I want to be happy with him... I've tried I guess, but its not good enough. So many promises thats been made, and none had the chance to be fulfilled. I ask so many times why this pain can't go away..why I can't forget..why I feel I can't let go..why I feel so hurt by all this... I need to put the blame on ???

"Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart, but trusting them not to."

I believe that I made a mess... somehow I always make a mess of perfectly good relationships... am I afraid of commitment? I don't think so, but then why do I ruin it. WHY!! I let myself get a broken heart..I did this to myself... heal it I don't have the will... let it pass I can't... Hold on, I am!! ... Letting go is impossible!!

Never have I felt such pain before, now I know how it feels... doesn't feel good. Infact, it feels almost near suffocation... I can't breath... I need you again... You're my life... I Love You still...

Tears are what I have... the happy face I used to see when I look into the mirror has vanished... all I see is a person I do not know...where is she... that once happy girl?... she's empty, a voice says.. she's lost her way....

Trust, Betrayals... are much too familliar words to me... on my side. 'IF'... a word that often is twirling in my mind...IF only i could reverse time...had I done this and not that... had I given him all he deserved... had I supported him the way he needed... all of 'IF'... I'd do things right, I make it all up... all over again.. given the chance.. I WOULD!

Imperfect I was...but Perfect in his eyes he saw me... so perfect you are for me he would say... I miss the smile, those loving eyes, only truth I heard in his voice...

If GOD is listening to me... please give me the strenght to go through all this... I'm so LOST

A love that is lost.............